Two years ago this month, I lost my voice.
Professional writers speculate that it takes an author five to six years to actually find their voice, or as I like to measure it, in word counts. Since 2017 I have written and published approximately half a million words in books and blogs. It may have taken me six years to find my voice… but it took only one week to lose it.
Publishing one’s own works is a nerve racking affair. At the start I was afraid that readers would be able to discern my most intimate and vulnerable thoughts that were used to formulate the sentences that formed the stories and books and then judge me uncharitably. Some part of me hoped for the discovery while another part continued to hold my mask firmly in place.
I conquered the fears of both publishing my story and reading the reviews of readers who found my work either good enough or bad enough to tell other readers about it. In my weakest moments I was even terrified of retribution from a shadowy criminal network for exposing their methods and objectives twenty-five years after the fact.
In the end no retribution ever came from spies or criminals and the book reviewers who didn’t like my storytelling skills were polite enough to not say anything at all.
My voice was compelling enough that the story it told won two awards for indie publishing in the United States, considered one of the best books from amateur authors in 2018 by two different juries. I was beside myself with surprise and pride.
A winning book at the NGIBA in 2019
The awards helped me to raise my celebrated voice and publish again. I finished three novels and multiple short stories, experimenting and having fun with different voices and narration styles. I worked hard to get noticed. I advertised. I was interviewed. I went on tour but then suddenly, in the first week of March 2022, I wanted nothing more than to unpublish my books, delete my articles and silence my voice. In the end, I canceled myself.
Kyiv, Ukraine in 2018
In the weeks leading up to losing my voice I was volunteering my opinion and expertise. I could tell both sides of the story and tried to present the brewing conflict as resolvable. I had lived in both countries at one time in my youth. I had friends on both sides of the border. I felt that I understood what they had in common and what made them unique from each other. I naively had hoped that the newly elected president of Ukraine would be able to steer his country away from conflict and find a way to live in peace with its neighbor. An escalation of the conflict by the other side seemed so pointless to me that when the missiles were launched on Kyiv in February 2022, I watched in disbelief; stunned and stupefied. Afraid of being branded as sympathetic with the aggressor, I silenced my voice.
I resolved that I would not speak another word of Russian and do whatever I possibly could to thwart the objectives of Russia’s brutal invasion of Ukraine. I took in old friends and their children from Kyiv who fled the war.
Three generations of one family rotated through my house for over a year before some chose to return home or found their own space nearby, or further abroad. I hope that my actions speak louder than my voice ever did in demonstrating that I stand firmly on the side of the victims of the inhumane attacks on civilians; women and children.
A room for refugees
As the war enters its third year and both sides become more desperate for a knock-out strike against their enemy before their own strength and resources give out, Europe is preparing for a wider war, resigned to the lessons of history. My stories, set in both Russia and in Ukraine, although fictionalized, offer a glimpse into the history that has lead us to this point of facing off again over the principles and values of freedom from tyranny and of self-determination that Russia would rather stamp out of existence in Ukraine, Moldova, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania and Poland.
While not an academic study and offering no solution to the problems, The Deceit of Riches offers a window to look through to help shape understanding of a complex history of a nation that has decided it cannot tolerate the freedom of those who it feels it has a right to dominate.
Now, more than ever, every voice is needed to speak out and speak up to remind ourselves of what we value the most – even my voice again!
My story can help to shape understanding of the origin and the nature of the overt threat that Europe is once again facing to its peace, security and prosperity. So, once again, I present The Deceit of Riches for your consideration and hope that it will help to form a better understanding of why we all must remain united to prevent Russia from taking another step outside of its own borders.
The books contained in The Deceit of Riches Trilogy offer insights into the factors contributing to the Russia – Ukraine War. Wrapped up in exciting stories, key aspects of culture and history of these regions come through. Click on the cover for more information.
Author V M Karren 
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